At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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