arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
