I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
