Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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