I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
