i just wanna soil my oats bro
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
