If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize