ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
