He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
