you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize