First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
