she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my sisters under your porch take her home
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
