No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
