I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
