So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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