I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
