Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
