When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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