If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
