I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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