Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
