Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
