she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize