I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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