i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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