Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i think my cat just said my name.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
