this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize