I just saw a hot homeless man
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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