I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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