Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my poor anus
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize