I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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