I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
