Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
