Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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