I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
