you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I need moral support for this bender
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize