I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
