I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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