You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
