This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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