I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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