I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
