Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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