Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
