you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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