He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
