so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
