NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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