I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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