the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize