Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
