Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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