that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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