gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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