Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
soo... how was my night?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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