Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We were destined to go to rehab together
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize