So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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