i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
