so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
