youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
