my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
