is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
