I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
