I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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