is your mom at the bar?
In America we eat man semen.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
