Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you inspire me to be a worse person
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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