She said her name was "party"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
