Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
