At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
