He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
