I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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