soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
