You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize