is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
