By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
