the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
