Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
